Who Will be our Pallbearers?

Are there representatives of about eight nations who will willingly step forward if our Empire should perish? This question is not aimed at the multitude of avowed and/or closet enemies who will leap at the chance. That line forms to the right. Even you leftists regimes; line up there, no shoving. The country needs a few good men, women included of course, to ease our way into the afterlife reserved for failed super-states.

We have had our faults, no doubt. Don't get to be a big player without a little slung mud, a little slung blood too; who's perfect? But c'mon, Potter's Field for the USA? Don't do a Mozart on us. A little respect, pleez! Big sendoff expected. Let's hear from you.

What will it be like when we cross over? We need to be prepared for a large dose of reminiscing throughout eternity. (Latin and Koine Greek tutors welcome at anytime.) "We could have told you a Republic was a bad idea". That old chestnut will be heard in both languages, ad nauseam, better get used to it. And don't get those toga wearers started on Empire, whew. Ear benders, that lot, so don't lend one. (Some posh Brits, too. All that 'white man's burden' stuff, cheeky gits.) But they all got there first so they have seniority.

Eureka, we do have a friend!

The Al Maktoum dynasty in Dubai says it is honored to help carry the noble remains of the source of our inspiration in combining Disneyland, Las Vegas and Marina Del Rey here among the blistering sand dunes on the Gulf.

And another, we're not alone after all.

Our brave founders brought with them from America the nohow and burning desire to enslave the indigenous local populations and assure our dominance to this day. For this the ruling classes of Liberia thank you. Well done!

It's gratifying to have you both come forward and volunteer for our send off. It would be terribly discouraging to have lasted this long and made no friends at all.

There are more! Lots of sympathetic admirers out there it would appear.

For our Big Bomb the tribes of Pakistan thank you humbly. Let them try to take our Kush! We will be proud to help put you under, USA unbelievers.

Tiny, but strategic, Panama thanks you for having invented, then bisected us. Fondest wishes and best regards, el Norte, they say.

Israel salutes an old friend, supporter and enabler. Without you, we might all be working in a hookah factory or falafel bakery.

Love from Russia. We will miss our fellow comrade and klutz of the North. You thought our satellite countries were part of big Empire plan like yours, nyet, they were our moat. HaHa.

Well, this is almost a mash note. Strange bedfellows these two.

Adios from your secret friends. Fidel and Raul appreciate your unswerving hostility over the many years. Without you, old friend, we mightn't have lasted a fortnight. R.I.P

They don't make Empires the way they used to and that goes for despots as well. Takes one to, well you know how that goes. The King and the twenty thousand princely nephews and prince ling cousins thank you and the camel that brought you here. Yours in oil, The Saudis.

Finally, enough volunteer pallbearers on record to insure a decent send off should it happen. We hope the prognosis is wrong and all the nay sayers eat the raven. We're good for another hundred years, at least. Right?