Email From Olduvai

Editor:
I'll start this from the beginning as best as I can recall at this late date.

It had been a hellish month in the Olduvai Gorge. Not only was it that season which was rough on everybody but strange things were happening all around. Even after most of the mating was over everybody was still acting weird. Not normal. Hard to get a handle on it, sort of stunned, like having a slight sunburn, but on the inside. The feelings lasted a long time.

Anyway, things slowly got back to normal: making stone tools, throwing rocks at the nosey hyenas; the usual. But things felt different somehow. Like outside forces had been at work and not the usual ghosts and spirits that are always hanging around.

Of course this passed with time and it wasn't until months later, nine months actually, that all the bizarre things came to pass. The babies started coming. If it had been only one or two that were weird, the hyenas would have gotten them. But babies are hard to come by, even strange ones, really strange like these were. Hairless, most of the new lot. Starkers. Like they were turned inside out. No fur at all to speak of. Like baby rabbits, or rats. What on Earth!

What to do? Can't feed the entire crop to the beasts. Besides the mothers were frantic. " It's so cute, in it's way! Don't harm it!", they cried.

So that's how it all started. The kids, most of them anyway, survived. Grew up but...
were different. Something was lacking. It was like they had no good sense. Anything that happened to them presented a problem. Didn't seem to know naturally what to do. Might run from a frog but stand in front of a lion! No good sense at all. Not like kids are supposed to be. And the questioning. Pointing quizzically to the rain, the sun, dead things! On and on and on. And the noises they made among themselves! Never heard anything like it.

And it takes them so long to grow up. They couldn't do at ten what the older kids could at four. But they're smart little buggers, the lot of them, in their way. Just not able to stay out of harms way. No monkey sense at all.

But the worst was yet to come. When they reached the time for that season. It never happened. Worse yet, oh the shame, it was, the girls you see, doing it any old time...can you imagine? Just had the boys all agog...and the older men, well! I am sure you understand our dilemma. The older women were frantic. These fur less females were the scourge of their existence. How can we get the men back with this unfair competition from these strange new sexy kids with all that smooth skin?

That was the problem with the girls. With the boys it was another matter altogether. They all became fire bugs. You know how dangerous that stuff is! Well, these kids treat it as if it was child's play. But they don't need to worry about bursting into flame. Those fur less showoffs! They don't go up in smoke like we do. Those kids started eating all kinds of things that they half burn up. (I will say many things are quite tasty that way but who knows what all this fire business will lead to?)

What really annoys the elders is the smart alecky attitude they have. Now we all know the correct way to make a flint knife or a scraper, we've only been doing it since forever. But these kids have a new way for doing everything. Believe me, it's causing a lot of friction these days.

The new ones have too much energy. Way to much. If they had to spend the time and energy we do chasing madly about during that season instead of just laying up together whenever it suits they wouldn't have so much pep and vigor left over. It doesn't seem fair.

Lately, a lot of the new people are beginning to wander away from here. I wonder how far they think they'll get? What makes them think there is any there, out there, anyway? The rest of us are staying right here in the old Gorge, thank you very much.

Sincerely,
Concerned

Your Planet Needs You to Volunteer

A Call For Volunteers

In order to expedite the ensuing decline of modern civilization and prevent an unseemly last minute rush to annihilation: an appeal is hereby issued as follows;

_ Volunteer now because an orderly "Planetary Die-off" to sustainable numbers is
desirable to avoid overtaxing existing funerary facilities: therefore;

*All First World inhabitants are requested to volunteer early as your impact on
Planet Earth is the most dire and your passing will no doubt be histrionic and
trying for the rest of mankind. Your Planet knows who you are.
Exemptions:
1. Old Order (Horse & Buggy) Amish. Not part of modern life, therefore
exempt.
2. Vegans (closeted, or mum about it) who live above anticipated
flood zones worldwide and have demonstrable funerary skills.
3. Organic farmers who live in yurts, make their own clothing and use
plow horses. (No cattle, hogs or other slaughter animals permitted).

_Volunteer cowboys and hog wranglers needed in great numbers to supervise the
decline of those populations to practically nil, as quickly and humanely as possible.
Your Planet is choking on their effluence

_Volunteer Urban Futurists to supervise and expedite gradual evacuation of urban centers (first priority to those in flood plains) to densities not to exceed that of, example only, Peoria, Illinois.

_Volunteer Secular (requirement, there will be a test) Missionaries to Third World (and possibly Second World) societies to prepare them for the shock of the demise of the First World.
(See Cargo Cult mentality.)
Exemption:
1. Temporary delay of "Die-off"in under-developed world;
pending satisfactory results from First World "transitions".
Automatic revocation for Planetary Insult ( i.e. behaving like First World). Your Planet will be watching closely.

_ Volunteer Flotillas to sail the globe rescuing military personnel abandoned at 750 bases when a government defaults and flees. (Contribution of personal
watercraft appreciated.)

_ Volunteer engineers and technicians: mechanical, electrical and especially nuclear to disable, dismantle and permanently mothball all nuclear devices and machines.
Without the resources needed to keep these applications adequately serviced and
maintained they are too dangerous to allow to exist.
Your Planet is made extremely nervous by these devices.

PROCLAMATION: Ex Cathedra

Your Planet is annoyed that a great many of you have for several centuries demonstrated a lack of the wise stewardship demanded of a privileged species. Your housekeeping is atrocious, the place is a mess.

Your Planet is concerned you have degraded, polluted, over-populated and used-up more than your share of all that exists here.

Your Planet is greatly annoyed your actions have heated up the place to such a degree the New Ice Age planned to cool things off and rearrange the landscape may have been delayed.
Do not assume Your Planet takes this insubordination lightly.

P.O.W., right in the kisser!

During WW2 over 400,000 German troops including officers and the dreaded Waffen SS political troops were locked up in 500 camps scattered throughout the United States. Another 51,000 Italian soldiers were confined as well. These were battle-hardened, highly trained combat troops including many from elite units. The Nation managed to do this quite successfully while fighting on countless fronts throughout the globe; with strict rationing on the home front home and at the same time incarcerating thousands of Japanese civilian suspects as well.

Today, we face a near collapse of national will and a total vote rout in the Senate at the prospect of a few hundred pathetic specimens being incarcerated here on American soil if the horror show at Guantanamo is abandoned as the President proposes.

What on Earth has happened to us all? Has five decades of exporting our mischief abroad totally emasculated the American psyche? This country, along with most of the world, faces an unknown and possibly foreboding future. If the prospect of dealing with a tiny rabble of foreign operatives who are already in custody and pose no threat is enough to provoke such fear, how can we ever deal rationally with real threats to our safety?

Courage Mr. President: Redux

President Obama may be asked to accept the retirement of another Supreme Court Justice very soon. A vacancy on the high court involves a momentous decision that will impact generations to come. Since this is a lifetime posting, it is arguably the most important personnel choice any president can be called upon to make. The new President is urged to continue being as cautious and circumspect as he has been throughout his career.

However, following are the appropriate responses to arguments likely to be advanced by the political opposition and a few well intentioned, but timid, supporters regarding one potential candidate. The President will demonstrate great courage by rejecting false negatives when considering this superbly qualified candidate.

A Nominee first advanced, then dropped, from consideration for a high government posting by a former President because of political opposition should not be avoided, even if it costs some political capital.

A candidate who has expressed, taught and written of a fairer playing field for minorities and others, beyond the currently accepted parameters, should be seriously considered.

The new Chief Executive can put forward a candidate whose law theories he himself once taught at the University of Chicago School of Law, despite the possibility some might find this compromising.

Caution should be exercised in considering any candidate associated with a University not strongly grounded within the dominant social mores of the country. The Ivies, especially Harvard, are not to be dismissed due to the possible taint of elitism.

Should not the fact that a candidate teaches at Harvard as did her father and also her husband be cause for serious attention?

A nominee of mixed racial ancestry will avoid the possibility of personal bias. This goes doubly if her mother also happens to be Caucasian.

So, ignore caution, Mr. President, take the political risk. Be our hero. Make your first nominee to the United States Supreme Court, Professor Lani Guinier, the first black woman given tenure at Harvard Law School. Take the heat and do not pick a lesser candidate as a safe choice.

Predators Among Us?

Wild animals who have knowledge of mankind have an instinctive recognition of man as predator and behave accordingly. Recently discovered species are often trusting or disinterested until they learn the truth about us. The information becomes operative over generations and we are accurately marked as dangerous.

Perhaps this same predator/prey sense clouds the relationship between men and women. Women as they mature seem to have an inborn sense over and above early childhood training that men can cause them harm. If other animals have this sound instinct should we not expect to find it amongst the ladies? Are they not as perceptive as say chipmunks or squirrels? Do we men think they don't know us for what we are?

Our society insists on clothing of some sort in public situations. Allegedly this is done to prevent distraction but is it not to protect females from predation as well? Throughout the western world in organizations and retreats people have for decades successfully met and socialized in clothing optional settings. Consider the behavior of our women and girls when in a safe environment which usually does not preclude the presence of men and boys. In such settings women and girls have been found to be relaxed and uninhibited in the presence of males even if everyone is unclad.

The presence of full nudity is accepted by the women as well as the men, girls of all ages seem to have no problem with it, nor do the young boys. Historically, what has been notably missing from these communities is the presence of teenage boys and younger men in significant numbers. The teen girls apparently have no problem with such arrangements and relax and enjoy the surroundings. Young males are a different story.

We can understand a tendency for shyness caused by raging hormones for this group but somehow even a benign setting is much more threatening to them than to females of any age. This inability to be comfortable in the presence of unadorned but comfortable peers presents a social and personal handicap of some considerable degree. If this failure is the result of a tendency toward predation that exists among young males then how can society ignore the consequences?

Without putting too fine a point to the incidence of violence, criminal activity and social delinquency of this group, should it not be considered? If young males are indeed afraid of unclad females and reports of similar reactions in Adult Clubs featuring female nudity are known. And since this group also seems prone to misadventure and tends to be warlike, what needs to be done? Such persons have a dual dilemma. On one hand they are fearful of their own mortality (females) and conversely, they have delusions of immortality (warfare)! Keeping in mind that every army in history was composed chiefly of young males.

One theory in anthropology predicates the collapse of Neanderthal society on evidence that the males did not cohabit with the females and offspring. Many reasons could have contributed to this if it is a correct hypothesis, but among them is the possibility of violent predation that rendered the male persona non gratis in the cave. Possibly male aggression led to the downfall of an entire species.

In summation consider that mature men and women along with young boys and girls of any age can find social accommodation with others even when unclothed and vulnerable, but a great many young males cannot. This would suggest the need for an immediate and far reaching effort among nations to determine how to tame our young males and also, how much protection from them is needed.

Keep On Smokin'

At the anti-coal demonstrations in Washington protesting the coal fired electric generating plant supplying the nation's capitol little of substance was presented about our reliance on the stuff. Coal has become a latter-day villain with few defenders. We were told that big coal is a monster: that Appalachia is a wasteland, and that coal is not very clean, to put it mildly. To get a glimpse of the larger picture consider the following by Robert Bryce, author of "Coal Hard Facts".

"Let's look at the U.S., second only to China in terms of total coal consumption. In 2007, the U.S. used about 1.1 billion tons of coal. That’s the energy equivalent of about 4.2 billion barrels of oil per year or about 11.5 million barrels of oil per day. Here’s the key comparison: America’s daily coal ration contains more energy than Saudi Arabia’s daily oil production.

Indeed, the scale of U.S. coal consumption boggles the mind. In 2007, the amount of energy America used in the form of coal exceeded the total energy consumption – from all sources, coal, oil, natural gas, and nuclear – of all of the countries of Central and South America combined. Just as important as the scale of America’s coal consumption is this fact: U.S. coal use has increased faster in recent decades than has oil or natural gas consumption. Between 1973 and 2007, U.S. coal consumption jumped by 75.5 percent. During that same time period, U.S. oil consumption increased by 15.2 percent and natural gas consumption increased by just 5 percent.

Here’s another comparison: On a daily basis, global coal consumption is equivalent to about 63.8 million barrels of oil. Thus, replacing the world’s coal habit with something else will require finding an energy source (or sources) that can supplant the equivalent of six new Saudi Arabias. Or consider China. On an average day, its coal use provides the energy equivalent of 26.3 million barrels of oil, or about two and a half Saudi Arabias.

By any measure, those are daunting numbers. U.S. and global policymakers may not like coal, but given the enormous scale of the coal business, it’s obvious that the U.S. and the rest of the world will be relying on the black fuel for many years to come."

So what will we have left if coal use is curtailed? Unfortunately, only nuclear energy can begin to duplicate those mammoth energy numbers. Not solar, not wind or wave, geo-thermal and certainly not our dwindling supply of petroleum and natural gas. And then if everybody switches to nukes, in only a few decades the usable uranium will be gone, and that will leave only deadly plutonium. What a dangerous future for our grandchildren that promises to be!

In the current frenzy to shut down coal burning, the details of exactly how we will keep the lights on is basically ignored. And where in the anti-coal movement is found a valid comparison of smokestack to tailpipe? Few serious students of the energy crisis believe that we will still have 150 million cars on the road in ten or twenty years. Most experts say: Can't happen, not enough usable, portable fuel remains.

And with the cars gone will it make much difference to the environment if we have a few thousand smokestacks in this vast country compared to millions of tailpipes? Before the switch to natural gas after WWll Dr.Allen W. Hatheway estimates 52,000 manufactured gas plants existed in the United States. Every small town and city made gas for their own use or to sell. That is in addition to countless factories, locomotives and home furnaces in use at the time. Now that's a lot of chimneys.

So don't be too quick to shut down the old smoke belcher or prevent new ones coming on board or we may end up shivering in the cold, but clean, air of a new dark age fifty years from now.